We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
