was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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