There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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