I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
