I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
