once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone came in the potted fern
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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