Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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