He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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