it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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