Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said her name was "party"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
