remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
