I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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