Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Acid is not a monday night drug
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
