Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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