Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dicks are not precious.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
