my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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