Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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