she was so not down for the gang bang
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
