The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
