In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
