Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
