Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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