i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
