Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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