20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
