no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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