how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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