Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
