I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
