respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
