Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
