just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
