u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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