There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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