i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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