Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
