I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
