he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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