does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
