he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
