when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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