He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
