I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
