grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
