is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
