Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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