Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize