screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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