If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
why is half of my head shaved?
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