What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
