I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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