Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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