Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Yeah, where have you been?

(407): View more from Florida

Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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(631): View more from New York

Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

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(541): View more from Oregon

So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display

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(239): View more from Florida

gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just forgot I was standing up.

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(516): View more from New York

Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?

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