clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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