I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
