Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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