my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
