C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
