that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
