What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
