I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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