you would pick up someone in the library
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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