you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
