I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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