This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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