They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
