Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
