Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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