My room smells like vodka and shame
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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