I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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