Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
