In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize