hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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