My sheets look like a crime scene.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize